Both Ignorant and Responsible

Our memory is selective. We are not dishonest, but neither are we true. Let's say we nearly evade a car crash - our emotions become wracked, our hearts tremble and our fingers shake. Our reactions may diverge greatly. One may shout profanities and make obscene gestures, angrily condemning the sure guilt of the other party. Another may bear himself more civilly, frozen still in the shock of the moment, thanking his god for protecting him. Whatever our reaction, it does not matter.

We wake up after our alarm has sounded, and frantically rush out of our homes in full knowledge that we will inevitably be late, but hoping that we will not be too late. Or perhaps we wake up, knowing it is too late, and decide that whatever it is that we're late to is not that important, and that we would much rather still sleep. Whatever our reaction, it does not matter.

There are times in which we know what we are doing, and know that our doing of it is important. Perhaps we are very subtle and sensitive people, and we remind ourselves every morning that each day has meaning, and every action significance. It does not matter. There is not even one person who lives always deliberately, always cognizant of themselves and their surroundings and the infinite possibilities of the present, always aware of what is happening and what their role is in the happening.

We overestimate our awareness and we forget even that we forget. We fancy that we remember the important events, and that we are in control of the situations that form the opinions others have of us.

In manifold ways, we forget that the world is without meaning and purpose, that things happen without cause or reason, and that all of this is true not only with regard to the greater world, but also to the very world that we inhabit, the very world that surrounds us intimately, the very world before our very eyes, and closer than the touch.

The events which are formative of our lives simply happen. When we are lucky, they happen in such a way that we happen to be aware of them. But just as often they happen without our noticing. And even when we don't notice them, we may still remain ignorant of them even after they have come to achieve significance before our eyes, through the powerful medium of Effect. That is to say: the small events are not small, and are often not recognized as large even after they become looming.

It is the same way with ourselves. That which is formative of our lives and our characters is as much the result of significant as insignificant events. We wake up and stretch our legs... and perhaps this becomes a vital turning point. "Why" does not matter. It has simply happened, and not only to us, but also by us. We have done everything that makes our lives, our persons, and our worlds what they are... and all the while, we had no idea what we were doing, right or wrong.