The Salesmen Scourge

It is clear that people admire and abhor others in direct proportion to their admiration and abhorrence of themselves. That which I find detestable in you corresponds to that which I find detestable in myself, and likewise with all things praiseworthy. And so, it is no leap of logic to conclude that those people we find wholly abhorrent and detestable are, in their very being, the perfect distillation of all that is abhorrent and detestable.

Who are these people, who perfectly embody all that is detestable and abhorrent in ourselves? They are the salespeople. You know them, the legions of salesmen and saleswomen who pollute our streets and invade our homes. They are the vermin of the earth.

Perhaps you are a salesperson, or have been one, or perhaps you merely sympathize with them. In this case I do not expect you to understand what I write here, for it is not in your nature to understand it. Suffice it to say that there is no human being who does not detest being sold something for which he has no use, no person who does not recoil in disgust and virulent hatred at the prospect of being manipulated for the sole benefit of another.

A salesmen is always a salesman, and he is always selling you something. When he steps out of his home in the morning, he is already ready to sell, for he knows thoroughly that the first thing he must sell is himself. You may cross paths with him incidentally and exchange a few passing words and already you find yourself filled with an inexplicable hatred. For, even in the most insignificant and inconsequential situations, he is always at the ready, willing to sell himself to whoever comes by. The salesman does not discriminate; he doesn't care whether you're white or black, male or female, rich or poor. Whoever you happen to be, you have something he wants, and he will get it from you.

Who are these people? How does anyone become so despicable? A salesman is not born a salesman; he is born like every other human being, but somewhere along the way something goes terribly wrong.

The salesman is not a person, he is not even an animal: he is a machine. The salesman is no man, he is merely a cog in the great social machine. Admittedly, we are all just such cogs, but that is not remarkable. What separates the salesman from the rest of us is in how perfectly he fits into the social machine. While most of us humans are imperfect, finding it necessary to readjust occasionally in order to function well in the social machine, the salesmen are perfect cogs which require neither adjustment nor calibration. Like all well-made cogs, they simply turn.

A salesman is always a salesman, and he is always selling something. That is his modus operandi: to sell. If he does not sell, he does not exist. It is his entire purpose, everything that he is and everything that he hopes to be. If he looks at his life and finds imperfections, he is not troubled: it is clear to him that he simply needs to work on his sales. If he is without a wife, then he must learn to sell himself as a good husband. If he is without a job, then he must learn to sell himself as a good employee. If he is without friends, then he must learn to sell himself as a good person. For the salesman, there is no problem that can't be solved with more salesmanship.

Being perfect social cogs, they fit everywhere and so, they are found everywhere. The salesmen pop up in the most unexpected places, so you must always be on your guard. If they were transparent, there would be no danger. But the salesmen are opaque, sometimes you don't even know they're selling you something until you've already bought it. Once they have hooked you, there is no getting loose. After all, what is it that salesmen do, except "pursue leads"? If you are hooked, it's too late. You have become a lead, and they will pursue you until they make a sale.

There is nothing you can do. The salesmen know what they're doing. No matter what you do, you will buy something. You may resist, but it's no use. Like quicksand, the more you struggle, the deeper you sink.

A salesman is always a salesman, and he will not stop until he has made a sale. If you spot one, it is best to give him a wide berth and avoid eye contact. But once he has you in his sights, realize that there is nothing you can do. Do not struggle: he is going to sell you something, and he can do it the easy way, or he can do it the fun way.