Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Intimacy
When I discover an old copy of a book, it is the only one I find. Later I learn that mine is not the only one and become disillusioned. There is something romantic about thinking that a book has been lost forever - that it cannot live on except through you.
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“Do you...? I mean, I...I mean, you know, right?” His imploring eyes were
desperate with inexpression. Sometimes I don't have enough respect for this guy
to fill a cavity. But, hey, I'm his friend. I've got to humor him a little
bit.< The guy has not been humored in the least bit. There has only been discussion of discernment.
“Yeah, I know man.”
“I mean, fuck! how could I have known? How? She was cute! I mean, uhm, you
thought she was cute, right?”
“Whatever man.”
“Don't fucking 'whatever man' me, man! I've got a fuckin' problem on my hands
here and all you can say is 'whatever man'? Well, 'whatever you' is all I have
to say! Yeah, whatever you holmes!
“Yeah, okay. You know you're making about as much sense as a wetback tryin' to
break a dollar.”
“Wait, what? Hey, fuck you asshole!”
“You don't even know why you're supposed to be mad, do you? You're so goddamn
hung up on this hanger-up, you don't know 'sense' from 'cents'.”
< Who talks with such wisdom in there words and then talk like such an idiot? It’s as though you applied the reasoning of a middle class man and that of an ignorant person. I guess you can say you were humoring him by going down to his level of speech. But even so if it were that way then it would be convincing>
“Hey, don't fucking doubt how sharp I am. You watch yourself, I'm so sharp you
might get cut. So trust me when I say 'I got it', 'cause I got it.”
“Yeah, sure you did, Mr. 15-points.” Foreskin here has an IQ 15 points higher
than mine. “Too bad it wasn't an even score, you might've noticed the Adam's
apple.”< The dialog above is good, though you need to actually convey a character that is believable. In order for you work to be well read and enjoyed (you need to add life). People want to read about themselves, we love hearing a word that conveys our own attributes. Nobody wants to read about some phony character. You are writing like a romantic that cannot fathom the talk of people in such archaic discourse. Your character speech does not flow in a constant that is vital to writing.>
So here it comes. His left eyebrow twitches a wink and those thick glasses
slip a centimeter down his short nose. < In order to sound believable in this sentence you to take out the adjective. Not to mention you jumped from having such a HYPERLINK "http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/contradistinctive" contradistinctive discussion between both characters then jumped to talking about him or another character waking up. The transition is not smooth and also there are not enough context clues.> Then something really funny happens. <
The dormant beast awakens. His talons extend, his eyes flare, and with both
arms wildly catching the air, he swoops down upon me.
Only, after decades of lying comatose, this beast has woken to a grotesquely atrophied body.
In a moment I have his wrists bound behind his back. With my right arm
squeezing tightly against his neck, it's pretty clear that the beast ain't here anymore.
I speak clearly into his ear. “Are you gonna stop acting like a little bitch?”
He gasps, his face slowly turning blue. He nods too quickly and I push him
away.
I've walked down this street before, yes, not long ago either. Every time I
open the door, the world has shifted, the light shuttered in a quiet and easy
way, a way so eerily subtle in how everything out here is completely different,
but undoubtedly the same. This must be the fifth time I've pressed the shutter
closed, blinked myself into a new reality. And this street, God! I'm in a
dream. -This is captivating! Your characters craziness is interesting, but there needs to be the beauty that is only found in truth. A character’s traits need to be described with some sort of consistency. The inconsistency is treaded through the story line and then you captivate readers by shocking them with the actions and interactions. But Character’s need to be unvarying, to a certain degree that can not easily be measured with guidelines. You have to have an ear for these things and more so then anything else you need to write with a perspective in mind. It good to write, but in order to get it out right you need to make some basic decision before you continue. Such as who, what where and how.
remember. You wander in dreams. The same themes keep recurring – look, there's that
tree, there's that house, there's all that wonder and beauty that freezes you in
your tracks each time, and yes, it is a dream, because I've seen that crack on
the sidewalk fifteen times already, and I am still mesmerized. I must see it.
I must know it – and look at it!
Most of all, there are those lines. They call it pattern-recognition. Do you
remember when you were a child and used to stare at the window-blinds? I
It was night and you would be lying in your bed, waiting to fall
asleep, and in the low glimmer of twilight you would look beyond the blinds, but
always at them. If you stared long enough, you could forget what you were even
looking at, and that's when it happened. There would be no blinds, only ripples
of light and dark. And they would ripple almost at your command.
Well that's it. But this is no childhood – this is better. This is so good
they couldn't give it only one name. Lucy. Cid. Fuck Mary, my friends – I
will admit readily, I have betrayed her, I have cheated on her! Lucy is my love
now, and though betrayal knows no loyalty, I know lucidity when I have seen it. < If I’m not mistaken you said before that Mary was not a woman but drugs. It does not convey that in the least bit. Your words are exteam euphemism and not in the proper manner. Also nothing flows you keep jumping sections of transition that are necessary.-
My mind is clear – my eyes more open than they've ever been.
And in this broken, decrepit street, I smile and laugh heartily and the
ultimate irony. Those lines ripple over the black-and-white that cruises slowly
past me. So close to God, Lucifer questions my divine insight. “What's so damn
funny, kid?”
Could there possibly be a question more foolish than this? Still laughing,
like the enlightened Buddha, I ask him: “Isn't everything?”
“No. It most certainly is not.” Oh fuck, he's pulled over and getting out. His wordage came from being untimitly knowing of enlightenment to “fuck”.
It seems that God is testing me. He must send me first to hell so I can conquer
its darkness with His light. Well, don't worry God. I will show them the way.
This needs a lot of work. I’d also like you to know that I am not some empty thing that only sees light in the brinks of destruction. I am a realist not an idealist and you cannot render good writing because you continue to ideally look at your surroundings. You have some great grammatical structure for essays, but for writing story’s and such you need to live life. People who have written great stories have lived life in there perspective and continued to be observant of there surrounding and integrated themselves in order to produce something of validity. Why do you think writer do so much research. It not because they are not able to have there words assembled correctly. It is done so the validity of there story is seen through there eyes and
then transferred in there writing. That is why I do not like reading and watching other products. I do not feed upon the words of others I experience life for what it is. If you want to write good stories then go
fucking live your life and stop freaking observing. You will never have truth in your words if you continue to observe. Be daring and look for the unknown. As you put it in you letter, it will help you immensely. You told me that when you want to know something you read extensively and you learn all about it. But life is not mere theory. That is why you find so many collage graduates living such a mediocre life. If that were so then things would never be discovered and nothing would be produced. You need to have a perfect equality such as ying and yang. Otherwise you will be stuck in the boring humdrum of life. I’m sorry you never got to know who I was and I am also sorry you were unwilling to get to know me. I really thank you for giving my spirit back. You woke me up from my sleep just like that grotesque beast. I hope that you to wake up and see the light of life. It was taken away form me for such a long time and I have continued to be swayed by peoples thoughts. So insecure, but I will no long stay listless in the dew of the morning. I will fight for what I want in life and all that is good.
Good luck with your writing, and I really mean that. I told you should be a doctor, because you get theory really well but that is all. You need to experience life in order that your writing will be captivating.
I wrote this so that you will know who I am and so you will not be misguided by all the little mishaps. I will leave with my strength and will not leave you thinking that I am something that is of a drone characteristic.
I wish you the best and I hope you realize things before it is too late. Your life will pass before you eyes and you could fall between the cracks easily. We all can. I just hope you can face your inhibitions before it is too late.
I hope you enjoyed your independent answer.
NOW 2018
I didn't read through it all, but I find it interesting how you were quoting your internal dialog with Satan. I found my answers a little detached to you and not so attached. I think after I sounded unattached to your writing I kept stating that I didn't like your writing. You retorted that you would travel as i stated you needed to do in order to get better at writing.
Now I say, I don't think there was nothing wrong with your writing skills, but now I say we were both greeted by Lucifer. That was really weird that you mentioned lucifer bc you didn't hear me tell you I was cHRISTIAN.
None the less I ignored the quota here.
Looking back I remember you had a mexican american drug dealer that would come to your place from his shop. What if you were talking about all the internal dialog that was going on in our lives and didn't know how to tell me what it was. To be certain my best friend the guy thought i WAS possessed by lucifer during that time. Also I was very unmoved in position to go no where bc for some damn reason I was being attacked by this indian that i broke up with. He lights many candles and does a lot of spell work. Basically he's been trying to ruin my life. Last year I read twighlight and saw the movie.
So now nearly a year later. I've blocked that indian from my life and blocked his facebook and everything else.
On the other note I always call myself Lucy bc i'm the clown in the friendship circles and Mary is my name also. sO in the writing your saying you will always leave my chemical romance over me being funny. You said that even if we loose the chemical romance that you would still love me. It's really romantic what you wrote. Also during that time I would spend endless hours by the window staring into the light on the sofa.
I want to retract everything and say. We are not Job who got his whole family torn away and farm. We are not adam or EVE. So in common sense we should be ok but on another note. I do think we both come from well to do families and maybe just maybe were like Job, BUT neither of us own a farm so were ok.
ok.
You always accuse me of cheating in an undertone. I never did. I never did. I never did. and know this my chemical romance was on stage during that time. hahahaha how funny. but i bet not one concert would ever make up for the night we saw living star fall from the sky. It was the best time ever.
Please pick up after yourself and continue your writing. I didn't think that you really think that you talk to lucifer but if you do I think you need to write down everything you hear bc for some reason I just think you must. I also want to say sorry for ruining your life by not telling you to just write here in our good old lovely state.
Also, I wan to retract my prayer Jesus were I prayed for kelly to be a grand voice to the LGBT community. I did it bc I was selfish and didn't want to loose him to some pretty lady. I miss you KELLY BURNER
So now nearly a year later. I've blocked that indian from my life and blocked his facebook and everything else.
On the other note I always call myself Lucy bc i'm the clown in the friendship circles and Mary is my name also. sO in the writing your saying you will always leave my chemical romance over me being funny. You said that even if we lose the chemical romance that you would still love me. It's really romantic what you wrote. Also during that time I would spend endless hours by the window staring into the light on the sofa.
I want to retract everything and say. We are not Job who got his whole family torn away and farm. We are not adam or EVE. So in common sense we should be ok but on another note. I do think we both come from well to do families and maybe just maybe we're like Job, BUT neither of us own a farm so were ok.
ok.
You always accuse me of cheating in an undertone. I never did. I never did. I never did. and know this my chemical romance was on stage during that time. hahahaha how funny. but i bet not one concert would ever make up for the night we saw living star fall from the sky. It was the best time ever.
Please pick up after yourself and continue your writing. I didn't think that you really think that you talk to lucifer but if you do I think you need to write down everything you hear bc for some reason I just think you must. I also want to say sorry for ruining your life by not telling you to just write here in our good old lovely state.
Also, I want to retract my prayer Jesus were I prayed for kelly to be a grand voice to the LGBT community. I did it bc I was selfish and didn't want to lose him to some pretty lady. I miss you KELLY BURNER
i WROTE ABOUT THE INDIAN BC HE SAID HE WAS GONNA DO EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER FOR ME TO NEVER GET MARRIED TO ANYONE. hE IS a MORMON ON PAPER AND HE ALSO OWNS MANY WOMAN. hE WANTS ME TO BE PART OF HIS HAREM OF WOMAN. i'M SCARED. gOOD THING IS THAT BELLE ENDS UP WITH EDWARD CULLEN. i KNOW SOMEONE NAMED CULLEN AND MY FAVORITE BARBIE IS BELLE. fuNNY ISN'T IT. AND i WORKED ON DRACULA AT THE SCHOOL PLAY AND IT WAS MY FAVORITE BOOK DRACULA. i GOT TO READ IT WHILE IS WAS RAIING IN HS.
Hey you need to edit it bc you only know what was gonna be said. by the way I was the props manager to Dracula. All you need to know that anyone wants you dead that I know bc I have way too many guys wanting to be with me. I'm sorry you life got squandered by my raging beautiful looks.
Hey by the way you should know why lucifer was by your bed side. there is many luciferians I used to hang out with and you too. So take them out of the card game and lets begin to wash ourselves again. I scavenged by emails and deleted many luciferians. So we don't get caught up in the bad tide. I want out of the card game were playing right now today. By jan 4 I will have passed my nail college state board. I will also have changed by battery so my car will drive then. I'll be closer to being independent.
lucifer needs to be replaced with god. what if you were talking to the almighty creator and you just got scared bc it was our first date. we played around on paper too much and didn't act instinctually bc our league of class of 2004 was way to poetic.
Basically I think the writing is saying that you need someone to help you laugh-bc everything else is way to heavy. Wake up and wear your periwinkle work shirt and pay me a visit. I don't like to be alone. I want to feel warm and happy.
I deducted that and only that.
Ok, so after all this traveling where is the book I sent you to write so you can buy a house for me. I told you that you would have to travel to write the book so you could buy me a house. Where is the bloody book? I want to know if you're working on the book. You could write the book in one week if need be. Lets say, you forgot about the book this whole time and were riding the rollercoaster I put in front of you.
I want to stop being your manager. All the us writing is not ok to do. I like the idea of a Dream book bu that's all. The dream book will sell over night. EVERYONe is into dream books. Write the book please and buy me a house. buy me a house damn it. Ok damn it. Damn it whatever man. I know you choose mr. flower baby every time meaning marijuana flowers over a good conversation. but if I put my money on the spot you should have enough travels to write a book. and don't you dare go into the whole equation of were you were raised and how they do more courtly things in society. You need to kneed the dough no more. I really like sweet baked goods. You must know how to make me macaroons. I went to France like you told me to. You went to China like I told you to so we could make fun of all my AP CHINESE asiatic friends. I love you Kelly for always making fun of those jerks with there abercrombie and fitch and there amani Code and expensive asiatic elixir creams.
Now for the future you need to write the book and buy the house and come back to me before we both get assassinated by all those weirdos we don't like. Hey did you know that the oracle cards I got in Pen state actually have the family crest written into it. The family crest Giles and it said that they were chaos family. to stay away creepy. I wonder how long it took you to meet him it was before.
Lately I've been playing match the picture. For instance that woman I don't like that I always tell you about now makes me recall that she looks like the bible teacher that abused me growing up. I don't know what satan can do but i swear he made her young and also I think I took the SAT AND she tore them up.
I'm scared but I'm gonna rummage and send for my SAT SCORES. if I remember correctly I think I didn't pass the math portion. Now it's the other way around. I CAN pass math but i'm failing at english. My fault for wanting to explore my history lessons a little bit more and doing some unnecessary travels of my own.
please break up with everyone that says hail Satan under breath or above it. LETS to a get together and don't let satan ruin our party. I miss your dork. I miss my dork and I still don't even know if you were in a sport. see how satan works. for all i know you could have been a football player in hs.
ahhh for intimacy
I love you
ahh for luxuries
i do not pretest.
ahh for necessities
i do implore a new house from thee.
ahh for higher education
I did what i ventured to do after 12 grade.
ahh for nail are thee way to get many a salary.
ahhh for form and content
will thee find a way to teach me how to prevvy my drawing lessons.
ahh for my amethyst ring did work.
my singer came back purple and it is computerized
my cellphone cam back Samsung and purple
with a drawing stylus.
see how easy that was to attack the world with my ring.
i have drawing capabilities to my finger tips.
and i even have an advanced sewing artifice.
1a. You want to know horrible stories why don't you write a book about child abuse and rape plus torture. It could be a tale of several woman that got tortured in different parts of the world. And how they found each other in a quaint little town and how they survived it all. Then you could end it on how they all get tied by the dream world and how it collides.
2b Maybe just maybe you will listen and not call me on some psych value for this explanation, but basically my mom wouldn't stop calling me possessed by the devil growing up and she would hit me vigorously.
3c then in the climax of the book we could enter into the us atmosphere after 911 and crash course it into the political regime you crave to write about so much.
4d umm I don't want to write much about what I've outlined in the week process of writing a book but you could do 60wpm and finish it. I want to tell you that its weird how my mom wouldn't stop calling me a witch and hitting me when i was little. and my step sister wouldn't stop calling me hairy with her daughter. funny how harry potter was a book about witchcraft and how the crazy jesus freak goes there now with her three daughters. hahah i had the last laugh when i found out many a things about that serious killer of love and vacation of the mind.
What's funny about this post is that I recently lost a very expensive book about math. It went through addition all the way up to calculus. So now I must say the book should still live through you or I'm gonna be making a big fuss. I even went on there professional web site and I can't find the publication anywhere within it's walls. also please don't scare me anymore. I'm tired of being scared. I want to have a warm atmosphere and I want it to be more boring than archie comics that are sold in the grocery store.
To tell you what I'm gonna do for money now. I'm going to make parodies of movies with barbie dolls and barbie buildings i spend quite a lot but I'm gonna return about 400 dollars of it within the time frame. I purchased about 800 dollars in barbie collections. I decided that its time that satan leaves my world. I gave them away in 2003 and since then there has been a lot of bad luck in my life. so hopefully this new collection helps my life flourish and be more constant.
Omg kelly i cant believe that i wrote what i did about what i said. Its intense. I really started being really mean. Am i really the one at fault for you leaving. If i would have bee. Nicer maybe just maybe you wouldn't have gone away so far away. Im a trouble maker.hey what if i said you got another apartment somewhere away from where ever you may be and started writing to me again and onky me. Make me proud and clean the room all tidy like i like. I love the smell after you have cleaned a room.
On another note i found a bunch of cute 1930's fashion. With pointy extra pointy collars and stripe sweaters on the shoulders. Im gonna get to making these things.
Miss you.
Also i hope you did quit smoking pot. Or mary jane.
“Isn't everything?”
“No. It most certainly is not.” Oh fuck, he's pulled over and getting out. His wordage came from being untimitly knowing of enlightenment to “fuck”.
It seems that God is testing me. He must send me first to hell so I can conquer
its darkness with His light. Well, don't worry God. I will show them the way.
You forgot to mention which god you were gonna work for. Umm youve changed your mind on differenf occasions. Also you said you would leave mary for lucy. Umm dont do it again. Id rather you leave lucy and mary for me. Bc umm i am a drug. Rember you compared the woman me to a drug and said my drug was better than lucy or mary. Umm i cant stop having this little voice in my head that im an idiot. Umm also i want to know who is playing satan. Who is satan in your life. You keep writing about him yet i dont know what your getting at. Like umm thats pretty scary.
Umm im an idiot and dont know anything. On my side im spending christmas at my parents. And its really annoying. Everyone keeps acting like a witch or wizard or a fortune teller. Telling me they knkw what i did witgout any evidence. Im reallg annoyed its happened on zeveral occasions.
Do you miss me. If you do im single. Open up a facebook and i add you to my new facebook.its me marilyn. If you miss me open up a facebook and i promise ill make your wildeat dreams come true. They would bw bc i never hit on you. You hit on on the first chance. Imagine we dont argue anymore. I bouggt my uniform i just have to take anotger test and ill be makin money as a nail techinician. Marilyn magaletta
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