(Continued from The Search for Meaning: Part Two)
But perhaps we are close to going too far. If truth is a woman, then she is not just any woman. If she is to be seduced, then we must first know something about her, lest we miss the mark entirely and seduce the wrong woman.
What we are after is meaning herself, and not simply truth. We do wish to say true things about meaning, and to discover the truth about meaning, but we do not want to mistake meaning for truth, or truth for meaning. It would be an easy error to make: after all, meaning and truth do tend to frequent the same circles. It would be easy to accidentally seduce truth, and bring her home to bed, only to later discover that we took the wrong girl home.
We may easily become bogged down in our quest and begin asking such seemingly relevant questions as "What is the meaning of truth?" and "What is the truth of meaning?". But we are not interested in the relationship between these two women and how they came to be friends! We are only interested in bringing one home with us. We are in pursuit of meaning, which is not the truth of meaning, but rather meaning herself.
Furthermore, the meaning of meaning is not just another meaning. It is easy to forget this, in a world of dictionaries, enumerating endless words with their corresponding meanings, giving an apparently equal weight to each word and every meaning. It would perhaps be better if dictionaries left certain words undefined, leaving them for the user to define as they will. After all, that is more akin to how things work in the real world. Plato would have us believe that for every word there is a single and certain definition, the form of which exists in a world beyond our own. But in reality the meaning of a word is neither single nor certain, but rather manifold and fluid; not otherworldly, but quite pragmatically of this world. Language is developed by its users, and is always developing. Language is dynamic, not static.
But perhaps again, we have come close to going too far. Here, we are on the road to meaning. If it will help us on our journey to explore meanings, then we welcome the opportunity, but only insofar as it helps to bring us closer to our destination, which is meaning itself.
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My heart hurts a lot today.
I want to cry. Im crying. It hurts. It hurts. Im crying. It hurts. Im sad. I cant stop. I cant breath. I want love from somwhere but i cant find it any where.
I keep getting accused of being racist. "You have racist Tourettes" my boyfriend wont stop saying this to me. Im sick in the stomach over this. Its all over some stupid african american neighbor we had. He kept making complaints about me and even one day he said i was making racist comments to him. Another time he said i was screaming. So basically we had to move out of the apartment. But every time i talk about this with my boyfriend says i have touretts. He says this just bc i like talking about what ethicities people come from. He doesnt like talking about race ever. It really annoys him. He said something about getting a lawyer to sue them and how hes mad how they made us move out. But he says there no way to prove theyre wrong. But to be honest he still acts as though im some public disturbance to people. I just want to go into a corner and cry or find someone that can hug me i want a big hug.
Tonight we finally moved the last of the things out. Before melody hospitilized me he would never say anything mean to me. I could whine or do whatever i want and he would never talk mean to me. Since he found out i have been told inhave mental illness he like making me sound like a monster. I cant cry whine or make any kind of complaint without him calling it mental illness. I cant do anything without him saying it has to do with mental illness. I wish i was dead kelly. Im crying agian. At least im not smoking anymore. I wish i wasmt so weak the last years. Ive had so many kinds of infections that have made life difficult. I know i went to beauty college but i wish i had gone to school for accounting or soemthing. I want to cry bc im gonna be super poor if i move out. Im old too. Im super old.
Tomorrow im gonna walk. Im walking everyday. So i can lose some weight.
To be honest the beighbor could have been making complaints bc im loud in bed. And my boyfriend doesnt care abiut my feelings. Im gonna be quiete and not let anyone see me. I dont want to be thrown out of another place.
At least i still have my parents and at least i went to beauty college so if it gets really tough here and i have to leave i will have a place to sleep and i will have a job. Life could be worse. But i dont think i will ever have the same respect from my boyfriend from before everyone started telling him im insane_which is my sister melody. I used to cry a lot around him before and he would never call me mentally unstable. Now i watch my back bc he could send me to get hospitilized. Its always a double meaning spade. Its ok for him to act out. Like yell at me. Hit things. Fits of rage. But if i do somwthing there is always soem punishment to go with it. Like its not normal for me to be human.
I wish he would of been prince charming poem was about my boyfriend and how he never gives me a kiss. I wrote a poem about how i waited and waited and never got a kiss. I didnt have all the problems i have now but i could tell back then that he wasnt mr prince charming. One clue was the first year passed and he didnt want to get married. Everyone ive ever dealt with past a year or into a year would ask me if i would marry them or would elude to it. I didnt complain much like find a way out and leave him bc one im not a virgin. Two he fed, clothed, and roofed me. Three he was nice in many ways. Remember you said you dont like my boyfriend and you got a bad feeling in your gut. I had a bad feeling too. Your not the only one. What if your not talking to me bc yiu dont like this guys aura. Maybe your that insiteful. What if me being with him all these years made us super unlucky. What if you were right and i was supoosed to move out immediately. I dont know but you now have a response to your question above and why i stayed. When your not a virgin you dont have many options. Ut doesnt seem like it but most people are with there high school sweet hearts and college sweet hearts.
But to be frank i cant stand how not prince like he is not.
I always miss how princy you were kelly.I dont see any people that act like princes. When i first met yiu thats what made me fall in love with you how you were like a prince but then down to earth. Like i could serioualy say whatever the heck i want and you wont ever give me a dirty stare back. Like youll just be hmmhmm mmhmm mmhmm mmhmm. But yeah i miss prince kelly. I wonder who gave yiu that prince attitude and i know its not your parents bc they dont act like princess or prince. Its cute. Your like well a mannered and sweet and quick to respond. And tacful. And always looking for toruble and know how to stop it. The way you see things shows how much of a prince you are. Also your speech omg your speech makes me gaga. You talk like a prince too. Your never selurred language or say things quick or weird.
I used to think for the longest time that you did steroid after i left you but i know you didnt bc i mer you again two months after around feb. And you were ok.
So if you didnt do steroids why the heck are you transgender? That is the question dear kelly.
You prayed for me to be with a rich man and that happened. But you shoykd of asked for more moeny. You justed asked for like food and basic things.
I like a jerk woman prayed for you to cross dress so you would be weird and no one would like you. So you would go to college and then come back for me and marry me . Lmoa. Im sick ex girlfriend. Im super mean. I wnated you to cross dress so no one would marry you.
Last please stop thinking about me like bwing with some other guy. I know it must be gross to you seeing me with another guy. But think about all the woman who had children and then got remarried. At least im still a babay virgin and at least i didnt become a prostitute like i promised you i would.
So yeah i dont like my prayer.
Im really scared that i dont turn you on anymore and that makes me all the more jealous of all those woman you dated. Like really jealous. But you still havent married and neither have i. Maybe my orayer will come true and youll marry me. We could go get married at yiur favorite place. Hawaii. Lol
also known as "the chubs", a half-boner is semi erection of the penis in males. It is often obtained when a man's feelings are on the fence and he is not sure if he is in love with someone or not. Yeah so like im really sad bc this happened last time many many years ago when i saw you. But i just read what it meant. So yeah basically i think you were not in love with me.
That doesnt suck as much as both of us not having children or getting married. Like we should be married with children by now but were not it sucks.
I keep seeing many woman have children in there late 30s and the kids come out normal but inkeep reading that you could have weird chikdren with major disabilities if yiu have children in the later life. Ive already met two woman oerosnaly that had chikdren in there 40s my sister and my sisters friend and there kids came out normal.
So yeah i quit smoking. I think i will be way mire fertile bc of it and i wont be prodycing male hormones. I read woman who smoke produce more male hormones and less estrogen. Makes sense why im not super horny anymore. Woman are not normally horny. Since i quit im more relaxed.
Im all giddy bc im writing to you so im sorry for all the typos but basically the part above was something i got off of urban dictionary. Im just really curious why you had a full erectkon on saint valentines and not the other time. Like im really curious. Really really curious. By the way mr B i really miss how tall you are and strong you are. I like how you can carry me. I also like how you accomolished the second part of my prayer where yiu finished college.
Have you seen the notebook basucally in that movie the love couple dont see each other for 10 years and then they get married. She leaves her fiancee for the ex and the new fiancee builds her a house. Thats like the most romantic movie ever. Its my favorite.
Well basically the first boyfriend ia a poor hard working guy and the second man is this rich assholes.
You gotta watch the movie.
Well guess what hahahahha mr b its been gonna be the 10 year this year. So yeah you gotta break the curse and come back like the movie. We need a hollywood pattern. I miss hearing music with you and interacting. If you didnt get a boner that day uts bc you didnt have enough time for me to interact with you.
If you gave it time and started interacting with me in your head and remember the magic you could break the curse.
Maybe we voth need to pray for you not to think your transgender. Like really im a cruel bitch. I still xant belive god made my orayer so real.
I dont know how it works but i know you still date woman bc i saw it online. So come back you finsihed college you can support me like you always wanted to. And now i have a degree in beauty and can make some money too. Remember you said you either a wanted a rich man for me or b you wnated to save up for an apartment for both of us. Please come and save my body. This man is destorying my helath and oritation.like you always give me a lot of youth and power and stregth and energy. Im sick of being psychic vampired. He takes and takes all my energy. Its not fun.
I always get the biggest head when i think about you loving me. And how you broke up with woman over me bc i said so like you dont know what you do to my ego. Your like the sexiest man inside and out. Stop being mad at me. Please stop being mean to woman bc they dont scream like me i know you got into bdsm bc you miss me screaming or soem damn thing.
Also i meant to write univeristy above not college.
Come and marry me and then we can tell everyone we fell in love when we 19
I dont know whos mind im reading but every single day a new rap song starts playing in my head. Today i got a snoop dog song:
Snoop
Snoop
When the pimp's in the crib ma
Drop it like it's hot
Drop it like it's hot
Drop it like it's hot
When the pigs try to get at you
Park it like it's hot
Park it like it's hot
Park it like it's hot
And if a nigga get a attitude
Pop it like it's hot
Pop it like it's hot
Pop it like it's hot
I got the Rolly on my arm and I'm pouring Chandon
And I roll the best weed cause I got it going on
Uh! I'm a nice dude, with some nice dreams
See these ice cubes, see these Ice Creams?
Eligible bachelor, million dollar boat
That's whiter than what's spilling down your throat
The Phantom, exterior like fish eggs
The interior like suicide wrist red
I can exercise you, this can be your Phys. Ed
Cheat on your man ma, that's how you get ahizzead
Killer wit…
Yesterday ut was this one.
Let Me See The Booty
Song by The-Dream
I want to feel like i did in high school thinking about what it would be like living with a man. I would sing wouldnt it be nice if we were older in the kinda wolr were we belong. Wouldnf it be nice to kive tigether in the kinda world that we belong. Its a beach boys song. But basically i wish i may uw ish i might that you would feel that way about me. I wish you would feel that way about me.
I want to wake up and start screaming silently and be like we made it we made it we made it and be like were not homeless. We won the love lottery. Luke do you remember how excited we get around each other like its nothing but like this super charge of joy. I miss that. I miss that sense of false security. Only a prince cahrming could make someone feel that way. I also miss you brushing my hair. Washing me. Kiasing my feet. My hands. I miss you feeding me. I miss your romantic random jestures. I really miss all thise things. No one kisses my hands or feet or hair or brushes my hair or cleans me. You even clean my teeth. No one ever looks at me the way you do. You stare like youve never seen a woman before. I miss knowing im the moat beutiful womab alive on earth. Omg yes. Omg yes omg yes. Im like the most gorgeous woman on earth. I miss feeling excited. Like my heart racing. Also i miss having you around.
Brush my hair kiss my hands. Kiss my feet. Only a prince would do such things. Only princes think its something nice to do. Some men never touch there woman. I miss my hand kisses. Im gonna say it again. I miss my hands kisses.
I also miss your fucking blue eyes. And your cat like stare. Your english looking face. You look like a handsome english man. I miss how long every apendage is. I also miss how were the same age and we undertand things in the same ratio.
How do i suck you in agian. How do i win when we dont even have each others numbers.
Stop name calling me in your head and yiu will do better by it. Maybe you will get an erection agian if you stop making things up. I noticed recently since i quit smoking that i make things up about people and write things about then in my head that i have no clue if its real or not.
If you cant build me a house you can buy me a house were you live bc theyre cheap in that area if the country. We could get rocking chairs and start carving things with a knife and iranges. We could chop wood. We could like mow a lawn. We could um wash dishes together. We could oractice the art if love and oractice the art of sexiness and all that is entailed in it. We could dance and close our eyes.
I could kearn to cook more things. I found a new cook book with really cool recioes like pumpkin cheess waffels and fritters. You could teach me how to smile and be happy again. Im broken. Your like a watch repairman for my midel kind of watch and you know how to repair me.
Ahhhhhh ahhhhh ahhhh i love you. I love you u love u i love u i love u i love u u love u.
I wamt your pretty blue eyes figure out a way fo make my wishes come true. Make all my wishes come tue please. Make my wishes cime true. Yiu can buy a cheap ring. I keep seeing soul mates getting married on instagram and they have like silver rings with moon stones and all kinds of stuff then they buy a house. Like buy me a house. Buy me a house. Buy me a house. Buy me a white dress. Buy me a white dress. Buy me monthsaries. Buy me i love yous. Read to me.
You dont belive me abiut the hiuses go on zillow and compare the hisue prices to the hiuse orices in orange county. Theyre way cheaper. I want my heart to stop bleeding all over the place.
Also since i quit smoking my skin is a lot brighter.
Lastly forgive me for not writing in college format. I know my ketter is sorta all over the place.
I just dont want my face beat in im always writing to you on the sofa with lots of fear bc my biyfriend is usually in the other room.
I wish i could say i wasnt so sacndolous. But its not my fault im not married. If i was married than i would hate myself for writing to you but aeriously im not. So i can still have freedom.
Also i know im not crazy bc im nit taking the medcine and i dont hear complaints about me a ting crazy. The medcine makes me a t insane.
I want out of here. Come rescue me prince. Im a dansel in distress. I promise you. And only you can carry my huge bones.
The most fun ive ever had in my life was the day you took me into your office and took my clothes off. Omg the view oytside was so beutiful. I dont know why that was fun but to be honest it was real fun.
On the house you buy me i want a manderine tree so i can eat manderines all day and night. I also want an asian magnolia tree. I want a swing so we can swing. I want pretty floral wallpaper.
I also want all the love you give to be everywhere everyday of oyr lives. Like if you come back i want us to never to be nasty to each other. I want us to be loyal kind sweet loving.
I also want to go hiking. Like it would be nice if we went hiking on the weekends and visited different forest. If you do come back and buy a house where you live we could finally visit yosemite.
Also i need you to teach me how to read again. Umm being verbaly abused by my boyfriend has madd me have a short attention span and i can read. Like i can do it if i push myself but i need you to teach me things again.
I want a porch on the house so we can sit on the pourch with glasses of drinks on rocking chairs.
I want to sit with you while you tell me everything will be ok. No one has svwr told mw that besides you. Isnt that deoressing like after everything ive gone tro you would think someone would say ut but no one. I really miss how you get bad vibes out.
I wamt a lemon tree on the house so we can have fresh kemons everyday. We would have to buy a bug fruiting one. They take forever to grow to fruitage.
I want you to write me poems. I miss how romantic you are. I miss you. Whaaa its weird bc to be honest its hard to remember what it was like being around you. I just know i miss it and i know what we did but i cant fathom how intense it is to be next to yiu.
I want a tall man that can pick me up and scare people off my front porch with. Like you could scare anyone off.
Im getting a little sad bc you might never come to my rescue. I may never see you again.
I always felt like walking on egg shells when i would talk about leaving with you. But not today i like cried for the kast time i dont want this abuse anymore. All of my online friends and people of forums say i should leave my boyfriend.
So yeah this doesnt sound good. But to be hienst i think you need to pick me up so we can leave together. Go look at how much a house cost and buy me whatever ring you find put it on me and take me away.
I dont want to be here anymore.
I never told you this when you said you wanted a rich guy to take me away and that you wefe not good enough. I dont want a rich guy kelly theyre assholes. They will never love me as much as youve kived me. This guy never wishes me good things. Never wishes me anything good.
He doesnt evsn beleive in god. Like to be hoenst im kinda scared.
I want a pretty house. Buy me one.
Also i dont know if im having tenitus or having auditory visions. But i keep hearing a rattle snake. The good thing is it hasnt atacked me or touched me.
If it did i might die.
But basically my boyfriend has been a raging assholes for a long time. Im really scared again.
But i keep praying. Im gonna pray i get out of this alive and not hurt.
Id rather be rich with you than rich with someone else.
Listen up kelly. You're 32 already. Its time to get married and time to buy a house.
Did you know that kn claifornia and a lof of states the governemnt has programs where they give you the money for a down oayment on a house up to 75,000 dollars if you have a good credit acire and make little money.
So buy me a house. I read on zillow that houses in your state cost like 100,000 dollars.
Yes im asking. It june 30th. Will you marry me mr kelly???
In jesus name please open this door for me im knocking. Please open it remember i orayed to yiu and asked for two men one that i couod whine to and one that i would never whine to. I want the kne that i can whine too he like underatands me more than anyone i know and lets me talk forver and ever. Please jesus i dont want the beach house one i orayed about. I want the first one. The second one is a dud. Please jesus let him wake up. Also jesus i dont want him doing anything funny anymore. I dont know what to pray for exsactly but i want a bed on the second story. So yeah like a second story with a balcony
Kelly tell your dad i want to marry him and tell him i want him to buy us a honeymoon vacation. I bet he will say marry her. Remember the hug he gave me that man loves me i miss getting a hug from your dad.
Hahahaha i mean tell your dad i want to marry you kelly. Ask him if its ok. I bet he will say yes. Please please pleass just tell him i asked you to marry me.and dont forget to ask him for the present i aksed him for i want a honeymoon vacation you can pick where we go.
I looked up the prices of bedrooms for rent around me. Theyre like 600 dollars. I calculated the cost of living and i could live on my own with a menimum wage job and even have money for food. So im not that bad off. Now i have to figure out where im gonna work asap. Go to work and do it. Bc maybe i wont move back with my parents. I noticed today im depressed bc of the way hes treating me. Like im also remembering there have been times i say i want to die. Like thats not normal. I dont say it anymore...ever. i found out im allergic to eggz and shellfish since i quit smoking. I get wheezing and it feels hard to breath. But i also found out how to make my allergies better. Lemon pinesol and eating lemons. Its takes itchyness away and all bad stuff.
To be honest i miss how comphy you make things feel.like i could be anywhere and you make it turn into the most beutiful place. I have that gift too.
Also today i read that if your depressed your reading comprehention could go down or your ability to read or do anything.
Im never smoking ever again. And today im gonna start trying to live a vegan life style bc im insulin resistant. Im pretty sure bc i started counting my calories the past few months and i didnt loose weight. So i have to be vegan and saty away from certain foods. I cant even drink caffein bc it makes me go to sleep.
Also i had to say it again. I love you. Ahhhh i love you. No one will ever get as many letters from me than you. Maybe my kids if i ever have kids.
I read that smoking makes you insulin resistant. Its ok bc i like vegan food it can be ok. Sometimes a lot of times its tastier than non vegan food. Like a few days ago i had a burger at dennys and it was super gross i wish it was a vegetarian burger. The beef made me wnat to be gross. But at lass i cant eat oils anymore what so ever bc basically my body lets all the sugar and fat into my blood and doesnt put a atop to it *stop with the insulin. Im not diabetic. That just means i wont have like organ damage. Or like go blind or whatever. But i could get there. I doubt it.
Basically my body doesnt use the sugar in my blood. It just stores it. I not an expert at what it means. I just know i cant digest sugar or fat or else i get fat easily.
Im gonna share a memory with you. When i was in school with my parents i would have a straberry abanana milk shake for breakfast. I dont do those anymore and i think im lazy. Or maybe my boyfriend is stingy and wont buy me the bananas and strawberries. I hate how stingy he can be soemtimes. Its like dont touch my bananas. But its ok for me to eat like tv dinners. My friend thinks he wont let me think or be skinny bc he doesnt want anyone to take me from him. Like she thinks he wants me fat. It might be true bc he never comolains when.i eat the expensive tv dinners. A tv dinners is like 5 bucks and a banana like inthe cents. Weird.
Tomorrow im gonna say it fuck it if he yells at me. Im fighting to depression off by writing to you but hienstly i want to cry. Hes an sshole. Like why does he have to be so mean. I dont know how long it will take for me to leave or make a decision but basically im hopping he just mad bc we had to move. Hopefully it gets better.
Anyways. I want to start having strawberry banana milkshakes in the morning. Theyre like super good.
Ahhh. Im so happy. You made the pain come off my face. I ahte having pain in the face. Its not a muscle pain. Its like having gloom all over your face to your heart. You took it off. Thanks for this blog bc without it i would have no way of getting rid of pain. Your like the expert at taking pain away. Be gone and ill extinguish you satan. Be gone statan. You can win evee bc god made me a Kelly B U RN ER. Hahah im so happy.
You can't win ever*
The doctor did a glucose test recently right after i quit smoking and they said everything came out normal. So maybe i dont have insulin resistance. Maybe i just have too much testostorone. Either way the vegan diet will take care of that too. Im crossing my fingers that since i quit smoking my body will be healthy again in a year. I think i just have bad hormones. I would like to think im insulin resistant but if i was the doctor would have told me. She said i had high cholestrol but not high enough that i needed medicine. I dont really know whats going on but i know i get skinny when im vegan and my period comes. Im happier etc.
I just found out why i had schizophrenic symptoms. I started getting them after 6 monfhs of being vegan once. I read a lot of articles that say you can have memeory loss and all kinds if brain disorders if you lack vitamin b12. I looked up the percentages from food and there no way i get enough b12. So i bought nutritonal yeast its only 3 bucks per month. As soon as i took it i could concentrate better and i felt more energetic.
Maybe i wont hear you talk anymore. Maybe this nutritional yeast will cure me of schizophrenia. As i write im trying to see if i hear any voices and i dont. Ill let you know in a weeks time to let you know if i still hear vocies. Im so haooy i found a cure to my fucking stuoid mind. Im so fucking stupid. Chicken has .3 and you need 2.4 a day of b12. Im gonna take ut everyday. Also it can cause fatigue and im always tired. And i dont have that insulin resistance even tho i wish i did. I dontnhave diabetes. Im just b12 deficient. Not anymore.
Today was the best day ever. Also i thought praying the rosary brought my period back but its not true. During that time i jept eating pinapple for breakfast. So i looked it up and it says eating pinapple will help shed your vaginal lineing for the periods. So i got this down.
Wish i could have been more observant younger but oh well. At least i know now. Im gonna eat blueberries and oatmeal for breakfast. And pinapple for lunch and for snacks.
I found this out yesterday bc i was trying to find out why i have grey hair. Harvard published an articke that says vitamin b12 deficiency can cause grey hair.
6 years since i last saw you. 9 years and 7 months since we broke up. 5 years since i told you to break up with that girl. 3 years since dantes paper. 4 years since i told you to quit transgernder stuff. Met you when i was 19. I did a time line today about how long ive known you. It always seems like we didnt know each other long enough but when i with you it feels like eternity. I dont ever feel that with anyone. The weirdest part you remembered me 3 years ago and wrote the dantes paper. Umm kelly why am i so crazy about you. Umm i cant stop laughing. Im 32. 12 years have passed and i still think about you. Lol. And least i know you think about me must mean i was memerable.
I have something embaressing to say. I found out i only had sex with my first boyfriend for two months. That means i had more sex with you than i had with my first boyfriend. Lol. Evertime i would think about him i thought we had sex for years. Lol. Like i felt like a slutty girl-probably 3 times. You and i had sex for 5 months the last time. So now i know why you were memorable. Lol. Know i know why i was so insane about you. Like seriously then lets not forget all the hours we would make out before that time. My first boyfriend and i didnt really make out. Im sorry im bwing gross on here but i was just really curious why i havent forgotten you. I miss making out the whole night through. Ive never kissed anyone as much as i kissed you. Lmao! Like in one setting we would not stop.
I dont care what the time line says. I just know i never cried during sex with you bc i felt i waa going to hell. Thats all that matters. I never felt like i was gonna go to hell for kissing you. It felt right like we were meant to do it.
So now i ask myself why isnt he talking to me and uh yeah duh am i stupid. Your like sooo straight edge and i have a boyfriend. So you ignore me bc you dont want to disturb me. When ive been with you i always felt like you wouldnt care if i had another sleeping partner. I never thought you would choose to stop talking to me bc i had soemone else with me i never knew how possesive you were until today when i did the timeline. And if you were that possesive than i know how fucked up in the head you mist feel bc i left with someone else. I used to think bc you had so many hippie friends that you would never care if i slept with anyone else. Im sorry. Yet with my first boyfriend i know he would have killed me if i had another man after or before him. Like seriosuly why is there a double standard? How many girlfriends have you slept with?!?!?! Many!!!!!!! So why are you choosing to leave me alone just bc i had sex with someone else. Its not like i had a kid and streched out my pc muscles beyond repair.
Lmao! I kist had to write this all down sorry if im being insane.
Im just saying its not cool how you left ms alone. Its not like i didnt wait a whole year before i started dating. Every time you come back after breaking up with someone. Doesnt that mean anything to you. If im the person you want to run into my arms than you really need to think about everything a little harder and arop pretensing like you dont love me and love making out with me for hours. And love making out with me in public. Did you notice we never get annoyed with pda that means were really into each other. Your the only boyfriend i jave had that didnt care about pda. Boohoo. Boohoo. See what i lost.
My hair is past my boobs and im not cutting it ever. Its gonna grow super long. I bought diabetic vitamins at costco for 20 dollars. Theyre pills that hell you loose weight. Hopefully they work.
Also even if i had a kid i bet you would make my pc muscles contract so much that it wouldnt matter.im gross sorry.
Almost three months quit of smoking. Im so proud. Im saving ao much money. I got to the casino everyday on the bus.
Well your done with the university. You traveled. Yiu can settle down now. Your at the point i wiah you would have been when we met when i was 19. And that was too much to ask for. Like seriously i felt like we were 35 years old or soemthing. Im 32 nos kelly. Umm im still not married. Not married. You could still wear a pink dress shirt and propose to me for real this time with a real ring. Like we could go anywhere. And i um could stop aging. I age easily without you. Everyone stresses me out and makes me sad.
Your always that lighthouse when im stranded un the ocean guising me back to sanity love and healing.
How embaressing i think weve been together for the total of a year as boyfriend and girlfriend and spent the rest of the time as friends. I thought it was a lot less than a year. At least it was a year. Thats a good amount of time. I hate you tho you were not supposed to pray to god that i find a rich man to take care of me after i turned you into agod loving man. Like who does that. Like do you know how hard it is for me to leave someone that has money. I hate you so much.
Want to laugh. I prayed to god like a month ago for a rich man to fall in love with me so yesterday at the casino this older man did fall in love with me he kissed my hand and then kissed my cheek he eventually left me alone bc i ignored him but i think hes rich bc he lives in south beach and he still has an englaih accent. So my prayer was answered but i didnt kmow how to handle the pressure or what to do. He kept telling me i had a nice body and that i was really pretty. And he kept asking me if i liked him. I just kept ignoring him.
Everyday i go to the casino someone tells me im really pretty. Im glad this is true bc i wanted an unbiased impression and old people dont lie.
I want to be that cute couple that makes the whole crowd happy with you. Dod you forgwt how many people cheer around us when they see us together we even stop trafick. Everyoen wants us to be together. Even all my best friends broke up with me bc im not with you. They said i had to figure out how to get back with you and that when i did to contact them othedwise they would not talk to me.
See how everyone is on your side.
I hoping with your degree you can afford starbucks bc i have a starbucks obession now. Im not simple anymore. Its your fault for oraying for a rich man dis you know before i this i onyl went into a starbucks once and i was on the phone with you. Lol.
See the trouble you get me into.
Also i want a man that isnt spoiled like you bc your so hard working and you give even when your poor. Like spoiled brats dont give anything when theyre poor. Im so scared.
Im looking into getting a job at the post office bc they have a good retirement plan.
Please kelly pray that you forgive me and find a way to find me agian.
I wamt you to come back before your dad dies so i can be his spoiled brat. Im sure he will love me.
Ok i loose. I cry. You win. Haha you got the last laugh the one where we are enemies. Where we dont know how to get off the chess board and hit each other. See how it works. Your winning the battle. You get to see me squarm. I just want your 6 feet soemthing body to carry me. I really miss your ginormous body. You probbaly wondering why a short woman would want to date a super tall man i dont know but it turns me on like crazy that your tall. Ita like i have my own personal body guard. I like how scary looking you are. I like your turned up nose. Your cat eyes. Your hair hands. I like the color of uour skin. I love how educated you are. Like i could never get bored by your side and whats even better you know how to sell it to me whatever nonsense you could be talking about.
Im not perfect forgive me. I dont want to be a cheater. What if we became friends and if we still get like erections and vaginal contractions than ws find a way to be single again and be together. You know how we keep thinking we wont like each other after a long time away from each other. I think you just need to stimulate the other person. It takes time.
I feel like a sexual preditor. Im sorry for being so insensative. Or so progressive. Well you came hunting after me it my turn. Like you know how you came uo to me and satrted taking to me well it my turn. Only we not lucky enough to be in the same room.
I want a big warm.blanket.it really sucks but oh well. Its all the stupid freaking girls fault that your not in orange county anymore. Otherwise it would be easy to trick you. If you were living here i could trick you. Maybe you need to come back since you finished the university. Yiu know hwo you always said you would go uo north for the university. Its over. Come back to orange county so i can find a way to get back with you.
Im really sad without you. No one loves me as much as you did. No one kisses me the way you kissed me. Um did you know we had soemthign special. Like it was this energy that could take all the malice away in any room.
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